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Gay Capricorn Astrology Profile

Gay Capricorn Profile

The Gay Capricorn: You big old mama's boy.

Lighten up, Capricorn.  There's nothing wrong with you, exactly.  Well, let's take a look in your closet.  Exactly what I thought: a sea of chinos.  Olives, khaki, drab.  I'm crossing my fingers that they're flat-front.  And... Oh my God.  Tell me that suit isn't Brooks Brothers.  Please.  Alright.  This is nothing professionals can't handle.  You're the reason there needs to be a show called Queer Eye for the Queer Guy.  Sometimes I wonder if the community shouldn't be focusing on it's own before it runs out to do... ahem, missionary work.  Even so, it would take more than the Fab Five to make a Prince Harry from your Drew Carey.  I'm thinking you need the stern hand of a learned but subtly sexy Henry Higgins, working over your image with charts, graphs and, of course, plenty of nice hot baths.  Goats are such filthy, stubborn creatures.  And there's definitely nothing wrong with that. 

Anyway, better a Gap ad than a D&G billboard.  Some boys are just trying too hard.  But have you thought about mixing it up lately?  A few vintage finds can give your wardrobe some character.  It doesn't have to be like like 1973 threw-up on you; like a t-shirt for some plumbing company?  True, it may have been worn by an actual plumber, that is a little bit gross.  What about a funky hat?  Of course, you never were much of a hat person.  OK, an over-sized belt buckle, you know, a little bit rodeo?  Horses frighten you, I see.  I give up.  Hemp shoelaces? 

Does this conversation seem at all familiar?  I feel for your friends.  Routine is acceptable six out of the seven days of the week, but what happens when Saturday night rolls around?  I hope you make some effort to get out there and mix.  You'll go to the bar, if for no other reason than because it's expected of you, but your spots tend to be more about the piano than the bootie tech.  You dance far less than surgeon general recommends and if you remember it in the morning chances are you'll also have a splitting headache.  Take some aspirin and get over yourself.

I've spent a lot of time ragging on you, haven't I?  I insult because I love.  And because it's good for you.  Look at it this way: in a lot of ways, you of all the zodiac's lusty menagerie has reason to be happy.  You avoid every pitfall that causes misery in this world.  The good news is that greed, lust, anger and jealousy roll off you as though you were made of Teflon.  The bad news is that greed, lust anger and jealousy roll off of you like Teflon.  When other's loose themselves in ill-fated love and impossible dreams, you keep your eyes on the prize, buckle down and keep going.  You respect your elders.  Called your mom recently?  Of course you have, you big old mama's boy.  And that's a great thing, it's important to keep those family ties strong.  How about life at the office: completed any important projects?  You don't have any problem putting in all the extra hours you need to get the job done.  Other signs might rely on their quick wit or sharp intellect to make up for a poor work ethic, you understand the importance of good old elbow grease.  And that's the kind of effort you can take to the bank.  Time after time.

Look, I don't want to drive the point in too much but I'm going to share an anecdote that I hope will enlighten and entertain.  It's for your own good.  I had a friend who took classes that involved a lot of math she didn't understand.  She'd come home and complain about the impossibility of the charts and graphs and formulas she was supposed to learn.  "How do you get through?"  I finally asked one day.  "I look for the Goat," she said with a grin.  "He's the guy sitting in the back of the class, not talking to anybody.  He studies for each class two hours every night and does all the homework."  And of course, was so happy to have a girl acknowledging his existence that he would agree to meet for coffee to "share notes," aka, patiently tutoring my friend in exchange for some harmless flirtation.  She saw this as a productive exchange of commodities.  I tend to shake my head when I hear of such arrangements.  If a girl wants to flutter her eyelashes and charm her way into a better grade, that's none of my concern.  But I'm against taking advantage of the goats. 

Clearly you can avoid that pitfall: we all know that falling for a girl isn't your style... Oh, should I not have said that?  You are out, yes?  I'm sorry, but of all the signs of the zodiac, I feel compelled to make sure.  Capricorns tend to make it through life by conforming, though in a best case scenario their It's cool if you need to take your time, but if I happen to visit my local evangelical church and see your name on the roster of sexual re-orientation I may be forced to strap you into an armchair, prop your eyelids open with toothpicks bust out the Queer as Folk DVDs.  I'm sorry.  It hurts me more than it hurts you.

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Comment #91 Light Uzmaki
Yes! Yes! And hell, yes!
I went on reading the website article thinking to myself, what the hell is this? It seemed like the traits they were describing were all worlds away from what I knew to be true about myself or "capricorns". Then I came across Comment #91 by Light Uzmaki which I have to say is probably one of the most dead on descriptions I have found about myself as a capricorn in a long time. Thank you, Light Uzmaki for the post and re-establishing the truths which I came to this site trying to tap back into.
#97 - Siphesihle Masondo - 11/09/2015 - 20:52
Cap man.
I can say that the post two lines above mine is exact heh. I didnt like the original post as much as I woulda of ( minus the stereotypical gay innuendos ). I am such a goal orientated individual, with a huge emotional burden. Its just expressing that, which gets me in trouble. When i contemplate expressing that emotion, more of a logical view rushes over me. However as I am getting older that result fades. However I will never let go of me career goals, life goals, or love life -.-..... In the initial relationship I want to feel important, even if you dont think thats what I want.... Push it out ;).. In terms of finiances, and planning, you deffiently can rely on us. We will make it our goal to make sure the relationship is financed, just because we dont want outter dilemmas effecting us. We are very logical, and will root to that before any major or minor decisions. Just as a quick summery, capricorns think alike be it gay or straight, and we prize structure, stability, and above all companionship. We wont let our gaurds down that easily.
#96 - nolan - 02/16/2015 - 10:27
People actually believe this garbage? Look at all the other posts on here. Ha!

Its kind of sad though. That people think a "sign" decides who they are in any form. Also people putting so much emphasis on their sexuality.

Man, most of you must not have much pf a personality.
#95 - Lol - 11/09/2014 - 13:34
the truth???
if I have learned anything of being a cap it is this screw the rest and have fun with the ones that don't pick on you cause you say things and think you know what your talking about even thow you don't. The ones that can laugh with you and not against you are your real friends :-P
#94 - Cloudretz - 10/08/2014 - 11:12
i do not have a email. my partner and i have been together for 25 yr,s now iam a cap he is a virgo , we are thinking about getting hook up. i am 1 6 47 he is 9 3 68
#93 - george h. - 09/15/2014 - 15:25
Both correct to a degree
The original post is more about young Goats and LightUzi is more about older goats. Capricorns are never really settled on who we want to be till way late in the game.. The whole 'sucking @ decision' thing and 'slow to leap' things. @ 40 I've learned to dress myself better,learned to dance a bit and not be so friggin moody. However, I have watched a young Goat from 18 to 25 start to evolve. Ya. He literally owns five identical pairs of Kakis and 5 shirts. Smh. Makes me giggle that I was that same kid...
#92 - Rhayne Starr - 05/07/2014 - 16:07
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