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Gay Capricorn Astrology Profile

Gay Capricorn Profile

The Gay Capricorn: You big old mama's boy.

Lighten up, Capricorn.  There's nothing wrong with you, exactly.  Well, let's take a look in your closet.  Exactly what I thought: a sea of chinos.  Olives, khaki, drab.  I'm crossing my fingers that they're flat-front.  And... Oh my God.  Tell me that suit isn't Brooks Brothers.  Please.  Alright.  This is nothing professionals can't handle.  You're the reason there needs to be a show called Queer Eye for the Queer Guy.  Sometimes I wonder if the community shouldn't be focusing on it's own before it runs out to do... ahem, missionary work.  Even so, it would take more than the Fab Five to make a Prince Harry from your Drew Carey.  I'm thinking you need the stern hand of a learned but subtly sexy Henry Higgins, working over your image with charts, graphs and, of course, plenty of nice hot baths.  Goats are such filthy, stubborn creatures.  And there's definitely nothing wrong with that. 

Anyway, better a Gap ad than a D&G billboard.  Some boys are just trying too hard.  But have you thought about mixing it up lately?  A few vintage finds can give your wardrobe some character.  It doesn't have to be like like 1973 threw-up on you; like a t-shirt for some plumbing company?  True, it may have been worn by an actual plumber, that is a little bit gross.  What about a funky hat?  Of course, you never were much of a hat person.  OK, an over-sized belt buckle, you know, a little bit rodeo?  Horses frighten you, I see.  I give up.  Hemp shoelaces? 

Does this conversation seem at all familiar?  I feel for your friends.  Routine is acceptable six out of the seven days of the week, but what happens when Saturday night rolls around?  I hope you make some effort to get out there and mix.  You'll go to the bar, if for no other reason than because it's expected of you, but your spots tend to be more about the piano than the bootie tech.  You dance far less than surgeon general recommends and if you remember it in the morning chances are you'll also have a splitting headache.  Take some aspirin and get over yourself.

I've spent a lot of time ragging on you, haven't I?  I insult because I love.  And because it's good for you.  Look at it this way: in a lot of ways, you of all the zodiac's lusty menagerie has reason to be happy.  You avoid every pitfall that causes misery in this world.  The good news is that greed, lust, anger and jealousy roll off you as though you were made of Teflon.  The bad news is that greed, lust anger and jealousy roll off of you like Teflon.  When other's loose themselves in ill-fated love and impossible dreams, you keep your eyes on the prize, buckle down and keep going.  You respect your elders.  Called your mom recently?  Of course you have, you big old mama's boy.  And that's a great thing, it's important to keep those family ties strong.  How about life at the office: completed any important projects?  You don't have any problem putting in all the extra hours you need to get the job done.  Other signs might rely on their quick wit or sharp intellect to make up for a poor work ethic, you understand the importance of good old elbow grease.  And that's the kind of effort you can take to the bank.  Time after time.

Look, I don't want to drive the point in too much but I'm going to share an anecdote that I hope will enlighten and entertain.  It's for your own good.  I had a friend who took classes that involved a lot of math she didn't understand.  She'd come home and complain about the impossibility of the charts and graphs and formulas she was supposed to learn.  "How do you get through?"  I finally asked one day.  "I look for the Goat," she said with a grin.  "He's the guy sitting in the back of the class, not talking to anybody.  He studies for each class two hours every night and does all the homework."  And of course, was so happy to have a girl acknowledging his existence that he would agree to meet for coffee to "share notes," aka, patiently tutoring my friend in exchange for some harmless flirtation.  She saw this as a productive exchange of commodities.  I tend to shake my head when I hear of such arrangements.  If a girl wants to flutter her eyelashes and charm her way into a better grade, that's none of my concern.  But I'm against taking advantage of the goats. 

Clearly you can avoid that pitfall: we all know that falling for a girl isn't your style... Oh, should I not have said that?  You are out, yes?  I'm sorry, but of all the signs of the zodiac, I feel compelled to make sure.  Capricorns tend to make it through life by conforming, though in a best case scenario their It's cool if you need to take your time, but if I happen to visit my local evangelical church and see your name on the roster of sexual re-orientation I may be forced to strap you into an armchair, prop your eyelids open with toothpicks bust out the Queer as Folk DVDs.  I'm sorry.  It hurts me more than it hurts you.

Get Lucky in Love in 2013 with a FREE Love in the New Year tarot reading!

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i do not have a email. my partner and i have been together for 25 yr,s now iam a cap he is a virgo , we are thinking about getting hook up. i am 1 6 47 he is 9 3 68
#93 - george h. - 09/15/2014 - 15:25
Both correct to a degree
The original post is more about young Goats and LightUzi is more about older goats. Capricorns are never really settled on who we want to be till way late in the game.. The whole 'sucking @ decision' thing and 'slow to leap' things. @ 40 I've learned to dress myself better,learned to dance a bit and not be so friggin moody. However, I have watched a young Goat from 18 to 25 start to evolve. Ya. He literally owns five identical pairs of Kakis and 5 shirts. Smh. Makes me giggle that I was that same kid...
#92 - Rhayne Starr - 05/07/2014 - 16:07
BS/ here real fact about us ! were power house sign !
how can you drag the star we were born in ground like that. get ur fact right and read this ! T he Capricorn gay man is a complex character with a simple view of the world. Success is his primary goal, and he will do whatever it takes to achieve it. Depression tends to stand in his way at times. Even though this man is funny and sharp, he can also totally lose his sense of humor when he begins to panic about his career. These panic attacks come and go in waves, but believe me, when he gets scared or blue, there is nothing much that can snap him out of it.

This man's Sun sign I see as being closely related to that of his opposite sign, Cancer. You see, Mr. Capricorn is at his best, and his happiest, when he can move on a steady forward course, but when the planets shift in ways that throw him off course, he can either rise to the occasion and go with the tide or sink into deep, dark waters of his own making. While Cancers, who are ruled by the moon, must get used to their mood swings and eventually find a way to groove with nature, Mr. Capricorn is too practical to believe in moods, feelings, or astrology. Well, he may go for the study of the stars, once he realizes he can plot a more successful course for his future by using this ancient blend of art and science.

You see, Capricorns are ruled by the stern and stoic planet, Saturn. Saturn is known as the great teacher. It teaches us all to make our own luck, not to rely on outer forces, but to develop ourselves to strategize and to develop self-discipline. Yes, Mary, that makes Saturn a heavy planet and explains why Mr. Capricorn feels the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Lucky for him, life tends to get easier as he gets older. Probably this is because he has spent years developing wisdom and learning how to work hard and go after what he wants. But, oh, those black moods of his.

As a gay man he possesses the usual outlets for tension: obsessively going to the gym and sexually compulsive behavior. For the more evolved Capricorn gay man, there are other options. First, he should admit to himself that work is his God and set up his life so that he can achieve the career status he so desperately desires. Then he can focus his energies around this singular goal. For instance, if he wants to be a lawyer, he can study law, meet men through online legal/anal-sex chat rooms (two great tastes that go together), and contribute to his community by doing some pro bono work for immigrants with HIV or for bias-crime victims. The content of his work, whether his goal is to be a lawyer, a beautician, a plumber, or an actor, should be the glue that holds the rest of his life together.

If he is so out of touch with himself that he believes, "Oh, work isn't that important to me" and "Moderate success is all I need," then I pity the poor boy. He will then take his frustrations out on his friends, family, lover, and most of all himself. Luckily, even a misguided Capricorn will eventually see the light and realize that his destiny is to be a mogul (nutty but fascinating and rich Capricorn Howard Hughes) and a role model in his chosen field (martyred hero to all activists Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.)

And if you're a Capricorn looking for queer role models, how about the bisexual bombshell Marlene Dietrich. Just be careful, boys, that on your path to success you don't follow the road of the destructive closet-queen Capricorn J. Edgar Hoover. Although, one must admit he did achieve the Capricornian goal of supreme power in his lifetime, but all you goat boys out there must ask yourself, at what cost? Then create your own road to the top that's paved with ambition and integrity.
#91 - Light Uzmaki - 12/18/2013 - 21:07
my boyfriend is a capricorn and this fit him so well! good job!
#90 - sammy - 11/24/2013 - 03:34
BS
This isn't a self help section for Capricorns. Get the facts straight not the opinions on what you think Capricorns need to work on. We are not conformists and we set the bar on who we choose to associate with. Totally biased. Obviously every cap you have met saw through your bs. Like the negative jargon this post is spewing.
#89 - MP - 06/05/2013 - 05:51
Response to gay Astrology Profile
:-) I haved read your letters about capricorn Profile. In my opinion majority of the comments that you said about the gay Capricorn characteristics are just exageration,because not all of us Capricorns are the same. :-( I know a lot of gay people and they are as oposite behavior and characteristics that you just discribe before. I am happened to be one of many Capricorns. I think it depends on culture,society,believes,and how you been raise.
#88 - stanthony69 - 04/14/2013 - 10:37
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