You’ll need a grappling hook and a strong set of tethers, as well a GQ style and an impressive résumé, if you want wrap your rope around the Goat. Ambitious, sure-footed and tightly focused on reaching the peak, Capricorn is all about success-and you’d better be, too.
The most important thing to Capricorn will be that you can be used to get ahead. Name-dropping celebrities you are chummy with, bragging about a new condo, or casually mentioning your latest screenplay deal, will all stir the loins of the Goat. Take care in falsifying your credentials, however, as he’ll be sure to run a background check on you prior to your first scheduled alone time.
Sugar-daddies will pleased to find that Capricorn is ready and waiting to take advantage of your bankroll and position to jumpstart his own career. Although thrifty in their own bookkeeping, Capricorns love a generous lover and particularly a successful one. If Eros pricked you while you were gazing upon the chiseled features of a muscular goat, plan to double your entertainment budget and start shopping for an interior designer.
Don’t rub it in his face, though, or you’ll have one pissed-off Goat on your hands. While Capricorn craves your success, remember that he primarily wants it so he can shine himself, not merely bask in the glow of your fame.
Capricorns aren’t prone to give up on a good thing, so once he’s suitably impressed with your career potential, you may have a partner for life. But beware messing up on the job; the Goat may skitter off to another mountain if you become unemployed.
If your game plan usually involves a lot of BS, don’t bother trying that on Capricorn-he can smell a phony like a dung on a hilltop, and can be counted on to be direct and straightforward himself. An Earth sign, he will be fiercely protective of anyone who earns his trust, and will be utterly impervious to manipulation.
You’ll find Capricorn at financial planning lectures, Real Estate seminars and motivational coaching sessions. Don’t expect Capricorn to pursue fellow attendees, however; he’ll be going after the presenter. If you happen to be an expert in these matters, plan your own event and you’ll have your pick of the litter.
Don’t expect a fawning groupie, however; the Goat is in it to win it, and a slighted Capricorn will not hesitate to butt you down the mountain if he feels you are a threat to him. A loyal enough companion to those who forward his cause, don’t become an obstacle or you may find horn-prints on the seat of your pants.
Under that gruff exterior, Capricorn is sorely in need of affirmation and will brighten up to a genuine compliment. False flattery, however, will get you nowhere, and you won’t find Capricorn responding to a blatant pick-up. Mac-Daddies beware: the Goat does not like being hunted.
If your Capricorn complains of a cramp in his leg, you’ve struck gold! Goats go absolutely crazy for a leg massage, so taunt him with an extended thigh rubdown to get him properly rutting. A few tender kisses underneath the knee is guaranteed to get him kicking.
Once unsprung, the Goat is a lusty and selfish lover, almost certain to desire the top position at first. Old-fashioned bucking will be the order of the day, so stock up on lube and call in sick to work tomorrow.
Capricorns tend to disdain overly sexualized relationships, and absolutely abhor being taken advantage of; if your Goat gets a whiff of this, you’ll be rocked off right in the middle of your ride.
What to expect on a Capricorn date
Business dress casual is the norm for a first date with a Capricorn. Bring your stock portfolio and two forms of ID, tax returns for the past five years, and flowcharts demonstrating your upward mobility.
For a casual date, plan a hiking adventure along steep canyons, rock climbing, or skiing. Capricorns are outdoorsy and competitive; you’ll want to keep up, but not leave him trailing. At night, bring him to a Battle of the Bands or techno music club, as he’s likely to be a great dancer and will love showing off for you.
You’ll probably be paying for the adventure, but fortunately the Goat prizes miserliness as much as success, so you needn’t book an upscale restaurant for your date. Actually, you’re best off suggesting an intimate dinner by candlelight at your place, unless you happen to live in a cramped studio overlooking the train tracks.